He strides through the room, cutting it in two with his perfectly tailored black suit. Eyes fixed on an imaginary reflection on the floor. He watches it slide. It travels at a constant metre in front of him requiring him to hold his head at a perfect 45 degree angle, further accentuating an already resplendent jaw line while allowing him just enough peripheral vision to note the room’s noticers. It was a fine entrance. Read the rest of this entry »
Earlier this month, my cheeks, chin and upper lip called a meeting to discuss convergence. The outcome of which, was the decision to grow a secret moustache.
“I think you’ll find, that only under a veil of slightly ginger, curly hair will we achieve the privacy required to pull this caper off,” exclaimed Chin. His geography has always allowed him to assert a certain level of authority over Lip and Cheeks.
“You’re the boss, Chin. You’re the boss.”
I fell off my bike on Sunday. I didn’t crash it, I didn’t come off it while pulling some mean skids, I fell off it. Or to be more precise, while waiting at the lights of a very busy K road intersection, my bike and I together fell over while practically stationary. If the immediate moments just prior to my falling off were to receive an award, it would be for ‘Situation-Most-Likely-To-Not-End-In-An-Embarrassing-Fall’. And it would come with an enormous trophy, the top of which would be adorned with a tiny little brass figurine of me looking like a complete fuckwit. Read the rest of this entry »
“Ta daaaa!” exclaims Douglas as he rips away the sheet, revealing his creation. It is the first time anyone, other than himself, has laid eyes on Roxxxy. It is, in a way, her birthday. Her first glimpse of the world beyond that which her maker has allowed for her. This paternal revelation fills Doug with pride, and he makes a mental note of the date. Read the rest of this entry »
